Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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