38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
