the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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