im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
