how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
