when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
