We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you will always have a special place in my vag
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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