Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
