I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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