Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
