i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Semen is not good for contacts.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
