Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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