dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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