Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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