You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
