Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
