oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
