went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
