and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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