Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
