Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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