The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
