so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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