After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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