no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
