That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
