Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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