Cold hands, warm shart.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
