we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
