Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
