hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
