I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
