Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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