can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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