the condom got lost in my hair
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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