Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
