It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
