This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
