Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
