He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
