Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
how does that bad decision feel?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
