There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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