You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
