Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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