THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
