Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
