All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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