I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
