My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
