Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
