hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
