He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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