I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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