i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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