we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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